IC Inbox

[powertotearer]

This is Eiji. Sorry I couldn't answer your call. Leave a message!

Comments

[bokukaren]

hey eiji!!
you there?
you're back now, right?
are you awake?

[powertotearer]

Yeah, just woke up.

Did we win?

[bokukaren]

no.
i'm sorry.
i'm really, really sorry.
there wasn't enough time, i didn't get to finish before everyone

[ He doesn't finish the sentence but it might be easy to guess what he'd meant. ]

[powertotearer]

Sorry. I made a couple of big mistakes and if I hadn't, maybe I could have bought us all a little more tme

Text [Oct 5]

[not_broody]

Saw mess on bulletin board.

Can guess how game went.

[Belatedly, comes a second text]

You alright?

Re: Text [Oct 5]

[powertotearer]

I'm fine. Made a few huge mistakes, I think. From the sound of it, we didn't get far at all.

[not_broody]

[Now that he's sure Eiji's actually okay, that's enough to let Niko slip back more to his usual self. Mixed with other feelings, since he knew something like this would happen.]

'Few huge mistakes' sounds like a glaring contradiction.

Told you doing the game in the first place was the biggest 'mistake' you could make.

[powertotearer]

I didn't keep a close eye on someone, and she got killed when I didn't. And I kept finding shampoo instead of salt, with all of Jin's pranks, so by the time they were over, I forgot about it.

I know it was bad. But if there really is a reason it has to happen, then better someone who understands what they're putting on the line.

[not_broody]

[That actually gives Niko some pause. He stares at the text for a long time, almost tempted not to respond at all, before replying]



What happened?

[powertotearer]

We were trying to set something up so we could hide. I got the idea of locking all the doors in a bathroom, so it would have a harder time finding us when we hid in one. But while I was locking one, it came up behind and got her.

[bokukaren]

what happened?
i mean, you don't have to talk about it if you don't wanna but...

[not_broody]

[Another long pause.]



That's not a mistake.

No guarantee it wouldn't have gotten her if you had been watching her. Let alone been shanked on the spot with her.



[Despite typing that, unconsciously, Niko knew he wouldn't be thinking that if it'd been him.]

[powertotearer]

I didn't keep an eye out on Rail, and while I was setting something up, she got killed. Then, when we were worried talking or texting might put us in danger, I started writing, but that must have been too loud too, since it got us then.

[powertotearer]

[It takes a while for Eiji to respond.]

I guess I know that. I don't know how I could have prevented it.

Maybe it's just better than admitting I couldn't do anything.

[not_broody]

Always something you could've done instead. Just no point claiming something like that as one of your 'few huge mistakes' when there's a lot of other things that have more responsibility.


[Like shitty luck. The doll or whatever was possessing it. Or fucking Daisuke.]

[powertotearer]

I can't stand feeling like that, though. All I want to do is help people, reach as far as I can. But if I can't reach far enough, it hurts.

[not_broody]

Then stop being acting like martyr for the sake of martyring yourself.

It feels like shit not being able to do anything but there's no fucking point adding onto it for the sake of it.

[powertotearer]

You've got a point.

[But whether or not Eiji agrees with that point is another question entirely.]

[not_broody]

Just being honest.

[He would have left it at that. However, there was one other question bothering him, based on what Daisuke had said. Eiji was back but...]

If you're back, that mean everyone else who participated did?

[powertotearer]

I think so. I've been trying to catch up with everybody. Got most of them so far.

[not_broody]

Guess that's something.

[Provided the rest actually did come back like Daisuke said they would. Even if it didn't negate the rest.]



Anyway. Was just checking.

[powertotearer]

Thanks. And sorry. If I'd remembered, maybe it wouldn't have ended up like this.

[bokukaren]

yeah, i think you make a good point about all that.
it's probably not a good idea to make any noise.
and everyone should try to keep as out of sight as possible.
i dunno how much it'll help, but it's something.
but don't blame yourself too much, okay?
i don't think it's your fault.

[powertotearer]

I should have been more careful, though. Especially when I had other people around me.

[bokukaren]

it's hard not to feel guilty about stuff like that.
y'know, like, you ask yourself 'what if i did that instead?' 'what if i didn't do this?' 'what if..?' 'what if..?'
but... it's in the past, and if you wanna make up for it you gotta do stuff in the present and the future, not keep looking back at it and all the things you coulda done.

ah, sorry...
i guess that's been on my mind a lot...

[powertotearer]

It's okay. I've had to deal with that kind of thing for a while. Eventually, I stopped looking anywhere but at the present.

It sounds like you must have gone through something like that too.

[bokukaren]

i'm glad, it can take a while for people, and some never stop getting stuck in the past.

yeah.
i mean, it still comes up with the games, y'know?
but mostly it's about a friend of mine i lost.
but i'm more focused on the present now too!

[powertotearer]

Just make sure that it's not only the present. You should always try to make sure that there's a tomorrow, even if you're not sure what it's going to bring.

[bokukaren]

you're right.
even if it's scary, you gotta keep going.
you can't give up.

[powertotearer]

I don't know if that's quite what I meant.

Just take care, okay?

[bokukaren]

i will, thanks.
you too.